Through a Glass Darkly

Gospel Mark 8:22-26

Jesus puts spittle on the man's eyes and asks him if he sees anything, but the man sees but not clearly. But he doesn't walk away from Christ because he is not wholly healed. Jesus lays hands on him a second time and then the man can see distinctly.

How many times do I walk away from Jesus, with my heart only being able to see in a blur, and not distinctly? Jesus lays his hands on me, but he must lay his hands on me again and again so that I may see distinctly. Without his healing, I see so poorly that I mistake things instead of seeing them as they truly are. I also strain to see things as they are - which takes its toll on my soul, for it is tiring to constantly strain so much. This is also dangerous for my soul, since because I am tired of straining, it is easy to succumb to temptations of apathy from the devil; and also because I do not see clearly, it is easy to mistake good for evil and evil for good.

This reading, more than I thought, does apply to me. I haven't been to confession in about 3 months, and I am feeling the strain right now. It is hard for me to perceive clearly because my soul is flying half-blind. It is easy right now to feel apathetic because my soul is so weighed down. I need to go to Confession, but it is hard to be motivated enough to go. It is easy to be sidetracked by excuses instead of realizing that my soul is in danger.

It is not a coincidence that the places where I can see him more clearly, though still obscured, is church or the Eucharistic chapel.

(Note: I finally made it confession, thankfully.)