So the newest video making the rounds:
My opinion: I think it takes the wrong tack. Yes, my husband and I lived together before marriage. Looking back now, I wish we hadn't, but put wishes in one hand and shit in the other and see what fills up first, right?
But no one....no one said anything. Yes, I was aware that my parents disapproved, but they never said anything and several of my siblings had also lived with their spouse before marriage and they didn't say anything. Nothing was said even during our marriage prep or by the engaged encounter people we met with for 6 sessions.
No one told me that rates of divorce go up for those who live together before marriage. No one told me that dissatisfaction with your spouse goes up if you lived together before marriage. No one told me that couples who delay having sex until marriage have stronger relationships.
To be honest, if an argument had been framed that way, instead of vague moral disapproval, I probably would have re-considered. Not to say that presenting a good argument using Church teaching is a bad thing...just that I don't know if I would have cared, at that point in my life.
To us, it was just the next logical step in our relationship:
1. Dating
2. Sex
3. Living Together
4. Marriage
This is what the world tells us, right? And heaven knows, the Church (locally) isn't telling us any different!
Anyways, back to the video....like I said, I think for people like me, it takes the wrong tack. My husband and I, in our own disordered way, were committed to each, and deeply loved each other (obviously, otherwise we would not have gotten married). We knew that we would get married - someday - and had a future together. But knowing how much of an impact our living together might have on our future would have made an impression on me....not some a video mocking what we knew to be our commitment to each other, flawed though it was.
TL;DR: I think they are better ways to reach cohabiting couples; though actually talking about it in church, by priests and marriage prep coordinators is a great step - not ignoring it or looking the other way.
I agree I saw that video yesterday and I thought it was a joke . Love is not a joke and neither are real marriage vows . A real priest doesn't go into the bedroom , jeesh I just feel this is a judgement , which we are told not to judge others , and it made fun of others who are less fortunate .
ReplyDeleteNobodys perfect . Since I'm nobody than I must be perfect :p
Tag you're it
ReplyDeletehttp://torontocatholicblog.blogspot.com/2011/04/ive-been-tagged.html
23 year old day care gal to me last February:
ReplyDelete"We're getting married in June and moving".
Me: "Do you live with your boyfriend now?"
Her: Yeah"
Me: "But I thought you guys were Catholic".
Her: "We are! We're getting married at Our Lady
Of ______".
Me: I thought there was a six month chat, and a cooling off period if you are hot already ...you know, separate, and live apart again."
Her: "They know we live together. They don't care".
The honeymoon will be in Iceland (true), but in reality, BOTH are marrying a fornicator...with Church approval, per the bride. Iceland will certainly come AFTER the honeymoon for this couple!
The Eucharist will be served that wedding day, of course.
Oh. HE has money; she has none.
She does not like work (has a college degree)and wants to stay at home and raise kids.
I think HE is in for a big surprise when custody and alimony issues arrive.
Shacking up is expensive.
Females brains are within their skull;
male brains reside much lower.
Only one brain THINKS.
That is truly sad. At least for my situation, we did not have a Wedding Mass, just readings and vows.
ReplyDeleteI hope they are able to beat the odds, but it is hard work. Well, marriage is hard work anyway, you shouldn't compound it by making it harder.
Jackie: We are told not to judge others, and I wouldn't dare judge someone's soul for I do not know it, but I can clearly see bad actions and words which I can judge. Someone needs to hold us all accountable, I need people to hold me accountable as well.
ReplyDeleteOn another note: I think the church needs to be more vocal on it's disapproval of cohabitation. My brother and his wife cohabited before they were married. As an 19 year old at the time I didn't think it was my business to tell my brother that is 7 years older than me that he shouldn't be. At mass on Thanksgiving weekend (when there are a lot of kids home for the holiday) our priest brought up cohabitation and how sinful it is and how the church disapproves. That weekend my brother went home and proposed. He heard it and although they didn't stop cohabiting before the wedding the priest obviously made an impact. My best friends older brother came home from that homily and was mad and said that it was neither the time or the place to bring it up in the homily because he had multiple sets of friends that were cohabiting and it just made them all sound like sinners. Well hello? We all sin, there's just happens to be more public.
Sorry that was so long!
I definitely agree! The local church, as a whole, needs to be better about communicating the hard truths of the Church. Some people may just need the kick in the pants to do the right thing.
ReplyDelete