...who don't have the balls to call you or email you and say, "Hey, I can't work on that project that I promised I would do for you because of [insert reason]. I hope you will understand, and will be able to still move forward. I hope I didn't cause too much of a delay on your project."
If you are over the age of 21, and you cannot do this simple thing, then go to the adult store, buy some big boy/girl pants and some suspenders, and put them on and act like an adult. Or, if you are just a big baby, go buy some adult diapers and wear them, if you refuse to grow up and be responsible.
Hell, if you can't return a simple text message within a reasonable time frame (within 2-4 hours, excusing valid reasons for delay), then you are a little too much of a weenie and need to join the adult world.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I know several people who do this, and it absolutely drives me crazy. It says to me (rightly or wrongly), "Hey, you aren't important enough to me to get back to you in a timely manner. So suck it." (Kidding on that last part. Mostly.)
I might get flack for this, but to me, it says the same thing for people who are chronically late. Again, excusing those who have a valid reason: kids, pulled over by the cops, etc. If you are chronically late to every function that I invite you to, it says to me, "My time is more valuable than your time, and it doesn't matter if I say I'm sorry, because I will keep taking advantage of the fact that you don't say a word when I'm always late."
Or, if I extend an invitation to you for various functions, and you consistently refuse - yes, it hurts my feelings. Or you say you will show up and you don't. It's a slap in the face, that after time goes by, the slap hurts less but it will still sting.
What does this come down to? Manners. Yes, it bothers me that so many people don't think anything of being chronically late, or saying you will show up and you don't, or not returning phone/text/emails in a timely manner. It's like, "Oh well, big deal." Well, for some reason, my mother instilled manners in me (more like drilled them into my thick skull) and it bothers the shit outta me when people act like they were raised in a barn (which would sorely disappoint their mothers, I know).
I agree with every thing you've said except for: your complaint about people never accepting an invitation. I really don't think that it should upset you. I would rather my invitee constantly say, I can't make it, than say, yes, when they really don't want to come, orjust doesn't show up, as you said yourself.
ReplyDeleteThere could be a million reasons why they constantly can't make it. And it might be very private, and they can't share the reason. And trust me the reasons can last for decades.
Your choice is to either keep inviting in the hopes that the situation might change and the person will know that you still value their company, or stop inviting him/her/it because they won't be able to come.
I don't mean to be a know it all. I had a friend who never accepted an invite to my home. It was 6 years later, when she told me that she was divorcing, the reason why.
I won't betray a confidence. And it wasn't anything like spousal abuse, but she had a very good reason. She did say that my constantly inviting her, although painful to be refused for me and equally painful for her to refuse, Always made her feel, that no matter what, I was still her friend.
Honestly, when she unloaded I felt about 2cm tall. I had thought like you that she was just insulting me
Don't get me wrong, your ever-regrets sender may just be a mean, raised in a barn boob. But maybe not.
As for all the other things you say: You are right, no excuse. Let people know that the situation has changed ASAP. It can be done and it should be done.
Thanks for your thoughts about this. Generally I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes it just hurts, especially when it comes to my kids, ya know?
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